Eloping Vs. a Traditional Wedding: How to Choose Your Style
A bride and groom showing off their wedding shoes.
Weddings are incredibly personal, so there’s no right or wrong way to tie the knot. Some couples dream of big parties with hundreds of loved ones, while others long for a more intimate setting for their I-dos.
So should you opt for a quiet elopement or a traditional wedding? Let’s take a closer look at these two options so you can figure out which is best for you!
Wedding Style Choices
What is Eloping?
In the past, elopement was considered a secretive ceremony with only the happy couple and an officiant in attendance. It was done to avoid conflict or disapproval from family members. But modern eloping has a whole new meaning.
A modern-day elopement is considered a wedding of 20 or fewer guests. They can take place in a variety of locations, from the local courthouse to an exotic destination. A common theme is a small ceremony followed by an intimate meal or even a fun excursion.
What is a Traditional Wedding?
A traditional wedding includes a dedicated ceremony followed by a reception. The guest list can range from 30 guests all the way into the hundreds and beyond.
Traditional weddings can be held outdoors or in a wedding venue. There’s usually dancing, cake-cutting, and other traditions done throughout the night.
Emotional Considerations When Choosing a Wedding Style
A husband leaning in to kiss his bride on the forehead. Image by Mari Lezhava.
Emotional Impact and Personal Values
As you choose your wedding style, you must think about your values and how you want your relationship reflected on your wedding day.
If you crave an outpouring of love and affection on your wedding day, you may want to choose a traditional wedding. These events are full of different happenings, each creating unique memories for you to look back on.
Brides and grooms who have always envisioned a big, traditional wedding probably won’t be satisfied with a smaller affair, so it’s important to discuss your expectations for the big day before deciding one way or the other.
On the other hand, if you value experience over tradition, or just want to feel connected to your spouse on your big day, eloping may speak more to your personal values. It’s a great way for couples to craft a day that truly represents their union.
Family Expectations
While your special day is all about you and your spouse, there’s a good chance that family members will have something to say about the wedding style you choose.
Some may be disappointed by your choice to have a small wedding, while others may be overwhelmed with the thought of a big traditional one. You just can’t please everyone!
As you choose how to structure your wedding day, be sure to clearly communicate that the choices you make are about you and your spouse. Be clear that you are choosing the style that is right for your relationship. You may ruffle some feathers, but be true to yourself!
Financial Factors for an Elopement Vs. a Wedding
A person placing a coin in a piggy bank. Image by Sasun Bughdaryan.
Cost of Eloping vs. a Wedding
It’s no surprise that there is a big difference in cost between a traditional wedding and an elopement.
Weddings can get very expensive very quickly. From venues to flowers to catering, the average traditional wedding can cost around $20,000.
Elopements are usually much more budget-friendly, especially if the couple decides to hold the ceremony at a non-traditional venue. A crafty couple can elope locally for as little as $100. However, small destination weddings can get pricey pretty quickly, depending on travel and accommodation costs.
Whichever style you choose, it’s important to set a budget ahead of time and research costs in your area.
Budgeting Tips for Both Options
Whether you are eloping or planning a traditional wedding, you must stay within your unique budget. Here are some tips you can use to save money while still enjoying the wedding of your dreams.
Budgeting Tips for a Traditional Wedding
Manage your guest list: Big guest lists mean big costs. Do your best to trim the guest list to minimize the budget.
Consider an off-season wedding: Late spring through summer is the peak wedding season. Consider getting married in the fall or even winter to reduce costs.
Choose a buffet over dinner service: Buffets and grazing tables are great ways to save on your food budget while still satisfying your guests.
Stick to a cash bar: It costs a lot of money to supply champagne and alcohol to your guests. Opt for a cash bar so guests can buy their own drinks and save you cash.
Budgeting Tips for Eloping
Be flexible with your date: If your small wedding involves traveling, choose your travel dates based on affordability.
Go thrifting for wedding attire: A unique couple needs unique outfits. Consider shopping in second-hand and consignment stores to find vintage wedding outfits that will shine in your photos.
Do your own hair and make-up: Practice with some YouTube tutorials and do your own hair and make-up on your big day. This will save you lots of money and ensure you look like you on your wedding day.
Elope in nature: Instead of renting a venue, find a naturally beautiful spot for your vows. This will shrink the decor budget and give you the perfect backdrop for your photos.
Guest List and Social Factors
Rows of wedding guests standing in front of their seats. Image by Samantha Gades.
Managing Guest Lists
A traditional wedding has about 100 guests. This number may vary depending on the couple. An elopement can have as little as two (the bride and groom!) and as many as 20.
In either scenario, it’s important to manage the guest list to ensure it fits within your budget and vision.
Sit down with your spouse and make a list of the non-negotiable people. This can include immediate family members, close friends, and others who are special to the couple.
Then, add others as needed. It may not be necessary to invite a cousin you haven’t spoken with in years or a former coworker, especially if you are trying to hit a target number of guests.
Communicating Your Wishes
Choosing a traditional wedding is pretty expected, so sending out save the dates is a solid first step.
If you choose to elope, consider sending a trendy “uninvitation.” This cute alternative to an invitation announces your intention to get married and prepares your family and friends for your decision to elope.
This will help family members feel included and get on board with your unique wedding style. You can even invite them to watch live via Zoom (if that fits your vibe) or view the photo album afterward.
The Pros and Cons of Traditional Weddings Vs. Elopements
Benefits of Eloping
Choosing to elope means your special day is truly personalized to you!
You’ll save lots of money, so you’ll be able to put that capital towards your goals and new adventures.
If you crave privacy, eloping will allow you some quiet time with your spouse-to-be.
With no societal pressure, your day can be whatever you want it to be!
Benefits of a Traditional Wedding
You’ll have lots of family involvement to make special memories on your big day.
A traditional wedding allows you to carry out culturally significant traditions that may be very important to you and your spouse.
Larger celebrations mean lots of joy, especially when you are surrounded by people rooting for your union!
Challenges of Each Wedding Type
Of course, both wedding styles have their drawbacks. Traditional weddings can be very costly and quickly become impersonal with so much input from other people. The best way to avoid this is to set a strict budget and advocate for what YOU want on your special day.
Eloping could cause family and friends to feel left out, especially if you opt for a tiny destination wedding. To avoid this, be clear that it’s your style of choice and the limited guest list doesn’t mean you love them any less.
Questions to Ask Your Spouse When Choosing a Wedding Type
A bride and groom holding the bride’s bouquet together. Image by Nick Karvounis.
As you consider the different wedding styles, here are some questions you and your future spouse can discuss to determine whether an elopement or a traditional wedding is right for you.
How much money do we want to spend on our wedding day?
Is being the center of attention important to us?
How will our families feel about our decision?
Do we want a big party or an intimate destination setting?
Do we value tradition or adventure?
What does the perfect wedding day look like?
Planning Your Wedding Day
Planning an Elopement
Planning an elopement may be a smaller-scale affair, but there’s still a lot you must do to prepare.
Set a budget and check local laws to see if there is a waiting period for a marriage license. Choose a date and let any guests know the important details. Once you decide on a location or destination, reserve a spot for your ceremony and book accommodations.
Finally, decide on your wedding attire and write your vows. This is a great opportunity to truly personalize your special day!
Planning a Traditional Wedding
Everyone knows that planning a wedding is a huge undertaking. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If a wedding planner isn’t in the budget, ask family members and friends to help you arrange the details.
Build your guest list and choose your wedding party. Find the perfect ceremony and reception location and then go from there.
It’s a lot of work, but planning a traditional wedding is so rewarding, especially once you get to enjoy your big day!
Conclusion
No matter what wedding style you choose, it’s important that your special day is a reflection of the love you share with your future spouse.
Traditional weddings allow you to celebrate with all of your family and friends while eloping affords you the luxury of privacy and adventure.
Once you’ve made up your mind, stick to it. Even if you receive pushback, your wedding day needs to tell your own unique love story!