How to Choose Bridesmaids and a Maid of Honor

When you start planning your wedding, one of the hardest parts is figuring out how to choose bridesmaids and a maid of honor. Your bridal party is going to be at your side for all your parties and events, plus your wedding day. Take your time and consider your relationships, as well as the practical parts of being a bridesmaid.

Please note: this article contains affiliate links. That means that I may earn a commission if you decide to buy something.

How to Choose Your Bridesmaids

Most brides start by thinking about their closest friends. But before you start thinking of names, you should make a few decisions about the wedding itself. The size of your budget, your venue and your guest list will all have an effect of the size of your bridal party.

Before you pick your bridesmaids, you should:

Decide if you’ll have a bridal party.
Decide on the size of the bridal party.
Consider the costs for a bridal party.
Consider the costs to your bridesmaids.
Think about your expectations.
Are they suited to be bridesmaids?
Choose other roles for your friends.
Ask junior bridesmaids.
Don’t ask too quickly.

1. Decide If You’ll Have a Bridal Party

Having a bridal party is optional. Some couples decide not to have a bridal party at all. It’s a good way to avoid drama and hurt feelings. Plus, you’ll save some money on the costs associated with a bridal party.

There are a few drawbacks to skipping a bridal party. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can be great support during the planning phase and on the wedding day. Without a bridal party you won’t have anyone to plan a shower or bachelorette party for you, either.

If you are planning DIY, you’ll need to do all the tasks on your own. Some friends might offer to help out, but most would feel offended if you asked them to plan parties and do chores without asking them to be in the bridal party.

2. Decide On the Size of the Bridal Party

The size of the bridal party is usually in proportion to the size of the wedding and the number of wedding guests. A traditional number is 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen for every 100 guests. Depending on the size of your venue, you could make your bridal party bigger or smaller.

The bridal party doesn’t need to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. As long as it’s not a huge difference, having one or two more on either side is ok. Talk with your groom and figure out how many friends each of you wants ask.

3. Consider the Costs For a Bridal Party

When you set up your wedding budget, you’ll need to put some money aside for your bridal party. You’ll need to pay for some pre wedding events, plus a few items for the wedding itself:

Wedding rehearsal, the night before.
Rehearsal dinner.
Thank you gifts for the bridal party.
Bouquets and boutonnieres.
Transportation from the ceremony to the reception.
Food and drinks, throughout the day, plus at the reception.

4. Consider the Costs to Your Bridesmaids

When you’re asking your friends to be your bridesmaids, you’ll need to keep their budget in mind. Some couples with a bigger budget decide to pay for the clothes and accessories for their bridal party. But most often, the bridesmaids will pay for their own dresses and accessories.

The bridal party will also pay for some of the pre wedding events:

Bridal shower.
Bachelorette party.
Bridesmaid dress.
Shoes, jewelry and accessories.
Hair and makeup.
Any travel, hotels or time off work for a destination wedding.

5. Think About Your Expectations

Think about what you’re expecting from your bridesmaids. Every bride has a different wedding and different needs. Some brides just want their bridesmaids to buy the dress and show up at the wedding.

Others want their bridesmaids to give opinions and input on the wedding plan itself. Some brides are planning DIY weddings. They might want their bridal party to help make decorations, write invitations or help to set up on the wedding day.

It’s absolutely fine to ask your bridesmaids to help with DIY projects. There’s only one rule: they must know ahead of time. Most people are happy to help a couple with their wedding. But they need to be asked, not just assigned when they show up.

If you’re doing DIY, let your bridesmaids know when you ask them. Give them an idea of how many chores you’ll need help with. Don’t take it personally if they can’t help. They might already have a lot going on in their own lives.

Traditionally, the bridesmaid duties include:

Moral support for the bride.
Buy the bridesmaid dress.
Attend the bridesmaid dress fittings.
Help pay for and host a bridal shower.
Help pay for and host a bachelorette party.
Participate in the wedding rehearsal.
Attend the rehearsal dinner.
Take part in photo sessions.
Walk the aisle with the bridal party.
Stand with the bride during the ceremony.
Grand entrance or special dances at the reception.

6. Are They Suited To Be Bridesmaids?

When you’re choosing bridesmaids, it’s easy to be sentimental and follow your heart. At the same time, you do need to be a little bit practical. Part of being a good bridesmaid is joining in group activities, being supportive, and making sure events run smoothly.

When you’re picking your bridesmaids, think about how each person acts on a daily basis. Will they bring negativity or drama to your wedding day? If a person is going to make your day feel bad, they should not be in your bridal party.

Think about them individually and as a group:

Do they get along? Will they make an effort to work together for your wedding events?
Do they bring drama or create problems?
Can you count on them? Have they shown up for you in the past?
Will they be positive and supportive? Does it feel good when they’re around?

7. Choose Other Roles For Your Friends

If your bridal party is small, or you have a lot of friends you want to honor, you can ask them to perform other roles at your wedding:

Help seat guests.
Hand out programs.
Light the candles before the service.
Hold the chuppah, for a Jewish ceremony.
Do a reading at the ceremony.
Play ceremony music or sing.
Attend to the guest book.

8. Ask Junior Bridesmaids

Most brides choose bridesmaids in their own age group. But if you’ve got a younger sister or niece that you’d like to honor, you can ask them to be a junior bridesmaid.

Regular bridesmaids will do the actual tasks for your planning and parties - junior bridesmaid is more of an honor role. They’ll usually attend the shower, wear a matching dress and stand with you at the ceremony. But they aren’t expected to pay for things or attend the bachelorette party.

9. Don’t Ask Too Quickly

Once couples start to look at venues and caterers, they often decide to change their wedding plans. If you haven’t started your planning, try to set your budget, and get a few quotes before you settle on your wedding size and style.

Once you have a better idea of the size of your wedding, go over the list you’ve made for your bridal party. If you’ve downsized your wedding, you might want to have a smaller group. If you’ve chosen a bigger venue, you might want to add more friends to your wedding party.

It’s very difficult to un-ask people without damaging the friendship, so be sure about your bridal party before you begin asking people.

How To Choose a Maid of Honor

Ideally, your maid of honor is the person you’re closest to. She’ll be at your side for all your events, plus your wedding day. The maid of honor has the same responsibilities as the bridesmaids, plus she’ll take the lead in planning your pre wedding parties.

As well as the bridesmaid duties, the maid of honor will also:

Organize fittings for the bridesmaid dresses.
Plan and help pay for a bridal shower.
Plan and help pay for a bachelorette party.
Arrange the bride’s train for the ceremony processional.
Hold the groom’s ring at the ceremony.
Hold the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony.
Act as a witness and sign the marriage license.
Make a speech or a toast at the reception.

What’s the Difference Between a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor?

A maid of honor and a matron of honor are the same thing. The title just depends on the person’s marital status. If the person you pick is not married, they’ll be called the maid of honor. If the person is married, they’ll be called the matron of honor. You only need one or the other. No matter which title they have, the honor and responsibilities are the same.