Just Engaged! How to Start Planning a Wedding
Just engaged? Congratulations!
Once the excitement’s settled in, the champagne’s been drunk and the engagement ring has been posted, you might be wondering - what’s next? What should you do now that you’re newly engaged? You know you need to start planning the wedding, but there’s a lot to do. What should you do first?
What’s Your Wedding Style?
If you haven’t already discussed the wedding, the first thing to do is talk with your partner to see if you’re on the same page. When you picture your wedding, what’s your style? Do you want a formal, semi formal or casual event? Do you have a general idea of how much you’d like to spend? And how much work do you want to do? Will you both be doing research, contacting vendors and making decisions? Or is one partner going to be responsible for the wedding planning?
Don’t feel like you need to iron out all the details at once. A wedding has a lot of moving parts and you’ll probably need to go back and forth a few times to get it all fitting together. If you’re ready to start planning, start by choosing your wedding date.
Choose Your Wedding Date
There’s no hard and fast rules about when your wedding date should be. Most couples choose a date about a year away. That gives you a lot of time to find your venue and hire all your wedding vendors. Plus it gives you plenty of time to save up some money.
If you’d rather get married sooner, you can choose any date you’d like. Just check that your most important people are available and start planning. If you’re planning in less than a year, you might need to compromise and choose venues and vendors based on their availability.
If you’re thinking about a short time frame for your wedding date, read this next: How to Plan a Wedding in 6 Months or Less.
Plan Your Engagement Party
Most couples have their engagement party a month or so after they get engaged. It’s not a requirement, so if you’re not into the idea it’s ok to skip it. Traditionally, the bride’s parents would host the engagement party. Nowadays, it’s ok for anyone to host. Family, friends or even the couple themselves can host an engagement party. Just remember that if you invite people to your engagement party, they’ll expect to be invited to the wedding. If you decide to have an engagement party, work on the wedding guest list first.
How to Set the Budget For Your Wedding
Once you’ve chosen a date, you’ll need to think about your budget. You need to know how much you can spend before you start looking at wedding venues. Start by checking your own bank accounts. Do you already have a wedding fund? How much can you put away for the wedding between now and your wedding date?
Think about your other goals, as well. Maybe you want to go back to school for a degree. Or maybe you’re ready to start a family. If you’re trying to save money for other life goals, you can plan a fun and unique wedding, even on a small budget.
Remember, you don’t need to pay for everything at once. You’ll need a few thousand dollars to make down payments and reserve vendors. But you’ll have the time between now and the wedding to make payments or save up.
After you’ve figured out how much you can put towards your wedding, talk to your families. Do either sets of parents have a wedding fund for you? Will they be able to contribute a set amount?
If a family member offers to pay for something, try to get a firm number from them. They may not know what current prices are. For example, if they offer to pay for catering, they might be expecting to pay a thousand dollars. Realistically, that isn’t nearly enough and you need to know that before you start talking to caterers. When you’re talking to your families, try to get an actual number that you can enter into your budget.
What’s a Realistic Budget For a Wedding?
There’s a lot of different expenses that you’ll need to figure out when you’re setting your wedding budget. If you’re trying to decide on a realistic number, start by finding prices for venues and caterers in the city you’re planning to be married in.
If you’re not sure about everything you’ll need to pay for, read this next: How Much Does a Wedding Cost?
Start Planning Your Wedding Ceremony
Some couples know right away where they want to be married. If you’ve had a place of worship growing up, you might want to get married there. Or you might want a non religious venue for your ceremony. For a secular or spiritual wedding ceremony, you’ve got lots of options. You could keep things simple by getting married at your reception venue. Or you could choose a romantic or natural setting, like a park, beach or garden.
Will you need a venue for your ceremony?
Do you have a place of worship where you want to get married?
Do you have someone in mind to officiate?
Bride at an outdoor wedding venue.
Start Planning Your Wedding Reception
It might seem strange to plan your reception before you even look at venues. Don’t worry, you don’t need to know all the details. You just need a general idea, so that you know where to start looking. Have you always pictured a formal or semi formal wedding, with all the trimmings - a grand entrance, your first dance and cutting the wedding cake as a couple? If you want to plan a traditional dinner and dancing reception, it’s best to start by looking at your local ballrooms and banquet halls.
Or you might already know a traditional wedding’s not your style. You might want something more laid back or unique. If you’re thinking about an alternative celebration, like a brunch wedding or a cocktail party, you can include more venues in your search. If you’re planning a non-traditional wedding, you can start by looking at restaurants, wine bars and other alternative venues.
Start Looking at Wedding Reception Venues
I feel like I should warn you, just in case you haven’t shopped around yet. When you start to look at wedding stuff - everything’s going to cost a lot more than you expect. Don’t panic when you start getting prices back. And don’t feel like you need to make a decision first thing tomorrow. For the time being, just gather the information and don’t take it personally.
Collect some price lists and menus from your first choice venues. Start to do the math and decide which venues will fit your budget. If you get lucky and find out that your first choice fits your budget, schedule a meeting ASAP. If you find out that your first choice is out of your price range, don’t get discouraged. There’s lots of ways to get a wedding you’ll love on a budget.
One thing to keep in mind when you’re talking to wedding venues is the size of your guest list. If you’re on a budget, the first piece of advice you’ll hear is to cut your guest list. This makes a lot of couples think that if they have 75 guests and a venue charges $100 per guest, it’ll fit their $10,000 budget.
In reality, most venues have a minimum number of guests written into the contract. It’s usually 100 to 125 people - that means you’ll need to invite and pay for that many guests. When you’re talking to wedding venues, ask about their minimums and make sure it matches the size of your guest list and your budget.
If you have trouble finding a venue that fits your budget, read this next for some more ideas: Affordable Wedding Venues and Menus
Planning Your Wedding Menu
The biggest chunk of your budget will probably be spent on food and drinks. Ideally, you’ll set aside 40 to 50% of your budget for the wedding catering. If you’re having a traditional, formal or semi formal wedding, you’ll probably want to hire a caterer to serve dinner.
Most wedding venues include in house catering or a list of preferred vendors for you to hire. If you need to hire your own caterer, start looking for one as soon as you’ve booked your wedding date at your venue.
If you’re not sure how much to budget for your wedding catering, read this next: How Much Does it Cost to Cater a Wedding?
If a caterer won’t fit in your budget, don’t worry - there’s lots of other options. Some couples even prefer not to serve a traditional dinner. You can plan a unique, delicious and inexpensive wedding meal if you think outside the box. Think about hiring food trucks, ordering restaurant catering, or even DIY your wedding food. You could also consider planning your wedding outside of dinner time. That way you can serve breakfast, brunch, lunch, appetizers or cake and punch and save a ton of money.
Can You Really DIY Your Wedding Food?
If you want to save on your wedding menu, there’s a lot of ways to DIY it. If you’re a great cook, you can absolutely cook it yourself. But if you’re not, there’s still a lot of ways you can do it. You can order food ready made, from a local restaurant, deli or grocery store to serve at your reception. Just remember that you’ll need help with all the tasks that a caterer usually takes care of. You’ll need to find people who can take care of setting up, serving and cleaning during the reception.
If you’re thinking about DIY wedding food, read this next for more ideas: Self Cater Your Wedding: How to DIY Your Wedding Food
Can You DIY Your Wedding Bar?
If you’re hiring a wedding caterer, most of them will offer a bar package as well as the meal package. If you need to save some money, it might be an option to DIY your wedding bar. Check with your caterer and your venue to see if you’ll be allowed to set up your own bar. Some caterers will let you supply the alcohol and they’ll supply the bartender.
For more on setting up your wedding bar, read this next: How to Serve Alcohol at a Wedding: Booking a Bar Package or DIY?
Hiring Your Wedding Vendors
When you’re setting up your budget, consider the wedding vendors you’ll want to hire. DIY is always an option, but if you’ve got the budget, the easiest way to plan a wedding is by hiring professionals. Some of the people you might want to hire:
Officiant for the wedding ceremony
Wedding photographer
Florist or decorator
Hair and makeup artist
Professional DJ
Cake baker
Day of coordinator
Budget For Your Wedding Items
Once you’ve budgeted for your wedding venue, menu and vendors, you’ll still have a few things to buy for your wedding. The only real must-have on this list is the marriage license. Everything else is optional, so if it’s not important to you, it’s ok to cross it off.
Wedding rings
Marriage license
Wedding dress and accessories
Menswear and accessories
Invitations
Thank you cards
Postage stamps
Cake knife and server
Guest book and pen
Favors for guests
Gifts for bridal party
Gifts for parents
Gifts for each other
Remember - you don’t need to make all the decisions at once. In fact, it’s best to take your time. As you look at different venues and talk to caterers, you’ll start to get more and more ideas for your wedding. Start your wedding planning by gathering all the information and discussing it with your partner.
As you learn more, the pieces will come together. Your wedding will start to take shape and it’ll be easier to make your decisions. Once you’ve made your first few choices, the rest of your planning will fall into place. And before you know it - you’ll have a wedding you’ll love!
Wedding Planner Book
Please note: this article contains affiliate links. That means that I may earn a commission if you decide to buy something.
Ready to start planning? If you’re looking for a step by step, fill in the blank planner, check out the book How to Plan a Wedding: A Guided Wedding Planner and Organizer. It’s packed with checklists, worksheets and money saving tips to help you plan the perfect wedding - while sticking to a budget!
